Broken Women Trying to Heal

I came across a post today on Instagram, it said, “It takes a strong man to handle a broken woman”. Well I’d rather add my own part to that quote and say, “It takes a Strong Man to handle a Woman that’s been broken and is trying to heal.”

We usually meet good, amazing, nice, thoughtful, loving men (Our IT men) when we are in the healing process. But everyone is in some type of process though. This IT man is probably in a process too, a find the right-type process, just seeing my options process, find a new girl to get over my ex process, I’m being pressured by my family to get married process, or even a I’m bored and need some company process. But get this; a woman still healing is in the process of trying to build up her confidence from the catastrophe of a relationship with the last guy. Building anything takes steps to complete. I can even say break-ups are similar to post traumatic stress disorder. It’s a battlefield when it comes to love don’t you think? She’s all caught up in the remembrance of all the short-comings the last guy said she had, the flaws he picked at, the jealousy she endured, the distance he kept, the intimate details about their relationship he shared; mental battles. And women are much more fragile than men, they can sometimes block it out and move right along. Although it'll be in the back of their mind.

It’s easy for me to feel broken because I was neglected in a previous relationship.  I probably didn't receive the care that I deserved or needed. That's not my fault, not is it your fault for being treated wrongly. But it affects me NOW because if any guy even acts like he doesn't care, I'm over it. Its given me a standard for the "care" that I know I deserve, anything less is mediocre. Personally speaking, I will tell you what I do not like. If you cannot come to doing it, I will slowly start to dislike you. Life is too short to not be loved the way you want to be loved. Love is too dynamic, too enormous, too heavy! Imagine, Jesus gave his LIFE on that cross for the remission of our sins because of LOVE. And you can't even get a text, call, email, voice-mail, BBM back from someone you care about. Yeah, maybe they're busy. No one is ever that busy.

It’s easy for women to project the bitchassness from the last guy onto their newly found IT guy. But remember, he’s in a process just like you so time is of the essence and every action is critical. Your doubt about him shows that you're healing, that you need him to try extra hard. Extra hard enough for you to feel comfortable, safe, protected. It’s in you.

The beautiful woman that you see when you look into my face, the one that you know will always have your back, when you’re sick, when you need encouragement, when you only have $20 but then puts $1000.00 in your wallet, when you cry, when you graduate, when you have no one on your side, she’s there, INSIDE, waiting patiently for you consistent love. Waiting for your motivating words, waiting for your reassurance of how much you say you love her, waiting for your committed ways to reflect in your words. She wants your good morning messages, even if you live in another time-zone, to have you to call her to come outside and surprise her at work for lunch, to have you show the world how much she means to you.

It sounds like a job for Batman or Spiderman doesn't it? Yeah it probably is, but it’s a journey worth walking when you know she’s worth it. So how is it done, to get that woman to heal? It’s easy, take time to talk to your lady every single day and be encouraging and funny! Show her your desire for her, involve her in your life (work, future plans, current plans). There are 24 hours in a day, if you miss talking to your lady for more than two days; it’s obvious you are not in a relationship. Even if you’re upset with her, a day shouldn’t pass when you do not speak to her; see how she’s doing and so on. And ladies you should also suck up your pride and stop that whole, “he has to text me first” nonsense because there are plenty girls ready to even get the time of the day to text him.

But there’s more…tune in for another part to another part lol "What happens during the critical part of dating".

Absolutely love the way she looks in this video. Besides her make up and clothes, she looks like she invoked some emotion in this shot. She looks hurt, awkward, scared, and in need of love.

Ezi Emela - Broken


Soulmate Part I

Today I’d like to talk about an un-popular word called FATE. What is fate? I’m sure the dictionary describes it as ordained, predestined, or inevitable. Now what about a Soulmate? Some people could say its a person that warms your soul, completes your empire, or is something like your bestfriend. 

The thought of a soulmate kind of scares me though, just because I’ve believed in the idea before and in actuality the person was an agent of satan. Now that I’ve met people of different shapes, sizes, professions, backgrounds, and dress-styles,  how is a woman to figure out her soulmate? When a woman meets a man, it’s all fun and thrilling. She studies his behavior on so many levels to see his sense of loyalty, how caring he is, if he has effective problem solving skills, if he cares (like really cares), how far will he go for her, will he have her back, can he accept her in her vulnerable moments, does he protect her like a sister, does he give her audience when she throws temper-tantrums. 

Only a strong-minded man can love and care for a woman and some guys are barely strong enough for themselves. We all come with a comma (but) statement after someone describes our good attributes. An example of a comma or a “but” would be a man describing a lady saying, “She is such a pretty girl with such an easy going spirit (,) BUT she is too controlling, she is too stuck-up, or she is too stubborn”. We all have “buts” and we all want someone to accept us for those “buts”. So while we see a guy as an eligible man to date, we all want to know what he is thinking or what he is all about. We want to know so much about him and mainly his intentions.

1. Does he JUST want to sleep with me? (Maybe, maybe not but that’s what physical attraction starts with)
2. Does he really care about me? (Maybe, You can’t really know that until something major happens and that is what can make or break your trust for him)
3. Will he leave after I show him my undiluted weirdo side (Maybe, depends on where he sees the relationship going and if he feels like your shakara or your trouble is worth it. Cause every woman comes with her own version of trouble. Your version could be nagging, rudeness, excessive partying, being needy, even your long paragraph texts)..

Number 1 is probably the most highly requested question that women just want to know by all means necessary! Why? Well because at one point you two will have to be intimate and intimacy comes with a lot of responsibility and commitment to her and her feelings. Back in the day there were only a select few that unlocked the door to what intimacy really meant. Intimacy is to connect with someone both physically and mentally by expressing an undiluted passion for them in a vulnerable, but strong way; where they have no choice at moment to see you like no one has ever before. 

Many women back then believed that sex was for men and that women were to please their men with their bodies. This was obviously due to the pain sex brought for them and now studies showed that many women in their 40's have never experienced an orgasm before. There must’ve been a plethora of three-minute-men out there, but that’s none of my business. But look at how times have changed. Everyone is getting it in and health professionals even promote wanking off as healthy sexual-therapy. Anyways so before people got the memo that women can climax too, there was an understood system that revolved around this idea: women work hard to take care of the house and take care of their man sexually and men use their strength to work hard and earn money to support their wife and family. There was sort of an even-exchange and a system that worked for some, but my point is that both the men and woman used their body and strength for their partner and were both satisfied. The characteristic that made this system stand between husband and wife was due to commitment that each of them had to please the other. Well these days no one feels committed to anyone and sex is treated like a special on the $1 menu at McDonalds. All you have to do is drive up and place your order, get good service, and then move on. Then the next day you may feel like eating at a Brazilian Steakhouse and then you move on again to your next craving. 

What I’m saying is that this generation has grown into a one that does not respect or accept the need for accountability and commitment. Yes, you are accountable for leading someone on, you are accountable for opening their love, and you are accountable for opening a woman’s legs. He/she did not get to those emotional stages on their own and it’s not their fault you took them there. It’s not his/her fault that they believed you. It would be your fault for thinking you could raise someone’s love and expect them to withdraw from it. 

Don’t smash a girl if you won’t accept her fully. Why? Because she will be the one to break your windshield, slash your tires, and show up to your work-place. If you haven’t seen her version of crazy and are only attracted to her, please just wait it out. Because I’m sure she made a rational decision that you are someone special for you to even take her out on a date. 

So back to Number 1:
Women tend to build defense mechanisms around their cookies just because they do not know if you just want to sleep with them and leave them. Of course she will make that decision but truthfully, she really wants you to show her that you are really worth being added her list. Being worthy takes many forms, to some women worthy is:

1. Responsible, stand up guy (no one wants to give cookies to a guy that will disrespect them afterward or blabber all over town.
2. Makes good money (no one wants to give cookies to a brokie)
3. Share the same religious beliefs (you can relate on a spiritual level and you probably believe in marriage w/o divorce)
4. Can treat her like a QUEEN (That’s showing her some extra special treatment, day at the spa, surprise dinner, trip to Aspen. Because no woman wants to be smashed and dumped with nothing to show for it. That’s like you working at your job for a week and they don’t pay you, and then fire you. You will VEX and want to sue. And no, food is not included we all have to eat anyway)
5. Is consistent (consistency is balance and you are able to create room for her in your life)

There are more but until the next post. Thanks for reading.