lol Stories of the DayMornin'

Note: These are not stories of me.

"Today, I got my computer back from a data recovery center after my hard drive crashed. I'm a photographer, and I'd just finished a series of artistic nudes, which I put in a hidden file so my kids wouldn't stumble on it. That file is now empty, except for a picture of Jesus frowning."

"Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish."

"Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number."

"Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!"

"Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend."

"Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs."