withdrawn...


This morning has opted to start quite hostile. First, i spent a lof of my free time studying and trying to get on point for an exam. Its always anxiety when the teacher sucks. Then, I came to the realization that I was wasting my time trying to re-kindle the life of a friendship that maybe needed to die. Girls spend their time throwing themselves at him, and he's just soaking it all up.Ugh, i think this is called jealousy. But we had it soo good before, we had things to talk about, i felt comfortable.. now its just awkward. Why the hell is it awkward? I want to erase time, and accept that friend request on facebook again. Then send him a message saying "you look familiar"... then look on my kick later on that day to see he wrote me on aim... then from then on, being just the best of friends. I just get tired of seeing him bond with these other girls, but when it comes to me, its like a brick wall up. I know i've done a lot of things to violate your trust, said rude things, made stupid decisions.. no buts cause i thought you wouldn't even take those actions seriously. No trust it is. But I learn from my mistakes, no psychopath and i wouldn't try the same action over and over again expecting change.. I CHANGE. He wondered how could I have changed if i blasted someone in my display name on myspace, which is visible to everyone? ...when you considers someone as a hoe ass individual, do you truly care how they feel anymore? The shit she did to me classified me to be immune to the realization of her feelings. But in your case, i actually give a shit. So, why would I ever do you like that? I have in the past, but i honestly did not consider it to be serious at all. I was just joking, it looked real bad but damn it came out wrong. But i cant change what i did, i can only apologize [THIS IS MY PUBLIC APOLOGY].. and try any way to gain your trust back. But will it ever come back? All this drama that surrounded the summer clouded all our agenda to "restart".. does the world just want us to separate? Will you join them to satisfy their goal? Should i join also?

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