Broken Women Trying to Heal

I came across a post today on Instagram, it said, “It takes a strong man to handle a broken woman”. Well I’d rather add my own part to that quote and say, “It takes a Strong Man to handle a Woman that’s been broken and is trying to heal.”

We usually meet good, amazing, nice, thoughtful, loving men (Our IT men) when we are in the healing process. But everyone is in some type of process though. This IT man is probably in a process too, a find the right-type process, just seeing my options process, find a new girl to get over my ex process, I’m being pressured by my family to get married process, or even a I’m bored and need some company process. But get this; a woman still healing is in the process of trying to build up her confidence from the catastrophe of a relationship with the last guy. Building anything takes steps to complete. I can even say break-ups are similar to post traumatic stress disorder. It’s a battlefield when it comes to love don’t you think? She’s all caught up in the remembrance of all the short-comings the last guy said she had, the flaws he picked at, the jealousy she endured, the distance he kept, the intimate details about their relationship he shared; mental battles. And women are much more fragile than men, they can sometimes block it out and move right along. Although it'll be in the back of their mind.

It’s easy for me to feel broken because I was neglected in a previous relationship.  I probably didn't receive the care that I deserved or needed. That's not my fault, not is it your fault for being treated wrongly. But it affects me NOW because if any guy even acts like he doesn't care, I'm over it. Its given me a standard for the "care" that I know I deserve, anything less is mediocre. Personally speaking, I will tell you what I do not like. If you cannot come to doing it, I will slowly start to dislike you. Life is too short to not be loved the way you want to be loved. Love is too dynamic, too enormous, too heavy! Imagine, Jesus gave his LIFE on that cross for the remission of our sins because of LOVE. And you can't even get a text, call, email, voice-mail, BBM back from someone you care about. Yeah, maybe they're busy. No one is ever that busy.

It’s easy for women to project the bitchassness from the last guy onto their newly found IT guy. But remember, he’s in a process just like you so time is of the essence and every action is critical. Your doubt about him shows that you're healing, that you need him to try extra hard. Extra hard enough for you to feel comfortable, safe, protected. It’s in you.

The beautiful woman that you see when you look into my face, the one that you know will always have your back, when you’re sick, when you need encouragement, when you only have $20 but then puts $1000.00 in your wallet, when you cry, when you graduate, when you have no one on your side, she’s there, INSIDE, waiting patiently for you consistent love. Waiting for your motivating words, waiting for your reassurance of how much you say you love her, waiting for your committed ways to reflect in your words. She wants your good morning messages, even if you live in another time-zone, to have you to call her to come outside and surprise her at work for lunch, to have you show the world how much she means to you.

It sounds like a job for Batman or Spiderman doesn't it? Yeah it probably is, but it’s a journey worth walking when you know she’s worth it. So how is it done, to get that woman to heal? It’s easy, take time to talk to your lady every single day and be encouraging and funny! Show her your desire for her, involve her in your life (work, future plans, current plans). There are 24 hours in a day, if you miss talking to your lady for more than two days; it’s obvious you are not in a relationship. Even if you’re upset with her, a day shouldn’t pass when you do not speak to her; see how she’s doing and so on. And ladies you should also suck up your pride and stop that whole, “he has to text me first” nonsense because there are plenty girls ready to even get the time of the day to text him.

But there’s more…tune in for another part to another part lol "What happens during the critical part of dating".

Absolutely love the way she looks in this video. Besides her make up and clothes, she looks like she invoked some emotion in this shot. She looks hurt, awkward, scared, and in need of love.

Ezi Emela - Broken
Read More

Soulmate Part I

Today I’d like to talk about an un-popular word called FATE. What is fate? I’m sure the dictionary describes it as ordained, predestined, or inevitable. Now what about a Soulmate? Some people could say its a person that warms your soul, completes your empire, or is something like your bestfriend. 

The thought of a soulmate kind of scares me though, just because I’ve believed in the idea before and in actuality the person was an agent of satan. Now that I’ve met people of different shapes, sizes, professions, backgrounds, and dress-styles,  how is a woman to figure out her soulmate? When a woman meets a man, it’s all fun and thrilling. She studies his behavior on so many levels to see his sense of loyalty, how caring he is, if he has effective problem solving skills, if he cares (like really cares), how far will he go for her, will he have her back, can he accept her in her vulnerable moments, does he protect her like a sister, does he give her audience when she throws temper-tantrums. 

Only a strong-minded man can love and care for a woman and some guys are barely strong enough for themselves. We all come with a comma (but) statement after someone describes our good attributes. An example of a comma or a “but” would be a man describing a lady saying, “She is such a pretty girl with such an easy going spirit (,) BUT she is too controlling, she is too stuck-up, or she is too stubborn”. We all have “buts” and we all want someone to accept us for those “buts”. So while we see a guy as an eligible man to date, we all want to know what he is thinking or what he is all about. We want to know so much about him and mainly his intentions.

1. Does he JUST want to sleep with me? (Maybe, maybe not but that’s what physical attraction starts with)
2. Does he really care about me? (Maybe, You can’t really know that until something major happens and that is what can make or break your trust for him)
3. Will he leave after I show him my undiluted weirdo side (Maybe, depends on where he sees the relationship going and if he feels like your shakara or your trouble is worth it. Cause every woman comes with her own version of trouble. Your version could be nagging, rudeness, excessive partying, being needy, even your long paragraph texts)..

Number 1 is probably the most highly requested question that women just want to know by all means necessary! Why? Well because at one point you two will have to be intimate and intimacy comes with a lot of responsibility and commitment to her and her feelings. Back in the day there were only a select few that unlocked the door to what intimacy really meant. Intimacy is to connect with someone both physically and mentally by expressing an undiluted passion for them in a vulnerable, but strong way; where they have no choice at moment to see you like no one has ever before. 

Many women back then believed that sex was for men and that women were to please their men with their bodies. This was obviously due to the pain sex brought for them and now studies showed that many women in their 40's have never experienced an orgasm before. There must’ve been a plethora of three-minute-men out there, but that’s none of my business. But look at how times have changed. Everyone is getting it in and health professionals even promote wanking off as healthy sexual-therapy. Anyways so before people got the memo that women can climax too, there was an understood system that revolved around this idea: women work hard to take care of the house and take care of their man sexually and men use their strength to work hard and earn money to support their wife and family. There was sort of an even-exchange and a system that worked for some, but my point is that both the men and woman used their body and strength for their partner and were both satisfied. The characteristic that made this system stand between husband and wife was due to commitment that each of them had to please the other. Well these days no one feels committed to anyone and sex is treated like a special on the $1 menu at McDonalds. All you have to do is drive up and place your order, get good service, and then move on. Then the next day you may feel like eating at a Brazilian Steakhouse and then you move on again to your next craving. 

What I’m saying is that this generation has grown into a one that does not respect or accept the need for accountability and commitment. Yes, you are accountable for leading someone on, you are accountable for opening their love, and you are accountable for opening a woman’s legs. He/she did not get to those emotional stages on their own and it’s not their fault you took them there. It’s not his/her fault that they believed you. It would be your fault for thinking you could raise someone’s love and expect them to withdraw from it. 

Don’t smash a girl if you won’t accept her fully. Why? Because she will be the one to break your windshield, slash your tires, and show up to your work-place. If you haven’t seen her version of crazy and are only attracted to her, please just wait it out. Because I’m sure she made a rational decision that you are someone special for you to even take her out on a date. 

So back to Number 1:
Women tend to build defense mechanisms around their cookies just because they do not know if you just want to sleep with them and leave them. Of course she will make that decision but truthfully, she really wants you to show her that you are really worth being added her list. Being worthy takes many forms, to some women worthy is:

1. Responsible, stand up guy (no one wants to give cookies to a guy that will disrespect them afterward or blabber all over town.
2. Makes good money (no one wants to give cookies to a brokie)
3. Share the same religious beliefs (you can relate on a spiritual level and you probably believe in marriage w/o divorce)
4. Can treat her like a QUEEN (That’s showing her some extra special treatment, day at the spa, surprise dinner, trip to Aspen. Because no woman wants to be smashed and dumped with nothing to show for it. That’s like you working at your job for a week and they don’t pay you, and then fire you. You will VEX and want to sue. And no, food is not included we all have to eat anyway)
5. Is consistent (consistency is balance and you are able to create room for her in your life)

There are more but until the next post. Thanks for reading. 

Read More
These beautiful bracelets were more than I could image. As I un-boxed them I was completely happy with the results. I've been wearing my Out The Box Chic bracelets for about 2 weeks now and they are an every day staple piece for my outfit. They are comfortable to wear, and are not tight on my wrist like some bracelets are. If you are not a fan of bracelets, these will really change the game, as you can see in the photo I mixed it with gold bangles. They also sell earrings and other accessories. Overall I give the bracelets a 10 out of 10. I love that their items are very versatile, there is something for the wildest person and even the more conservative.

Visit their website at Tell them I sent you lol
Read More

The Vow

A sister of mine forwarded this video to me and after watching it, I was near tears (I'm such a teddy bear). This couple, Jennifer & Dustin, exemplify what real love in Christ Jesus really is and what it could amount to. Their vows showed their walk with Christ, how they've sought the kingdom of God and his love first, before every other thing. Dustin said he prayed to God to empower him to love people with  God's supernatural love (a prayer we should all pray), love that he is not capable of, and that every time he was with her he felt like he took a step into heavan. What manner of love is that? That is the love I want, a love for someone to the point where I know it had to be supernatural. With love, everything comes to order (think about that). 

I want to experience a Love that I didn't even know existed. 

Read More

A Documentary You Will Love: Welcome to Lagos

These two episodes make me entirely proud of my country Nigeria. Proud because it shows that we are hardworking people who will strive to achieve our goals no matter what. These two episodes show the life of people living in the slums of Nigeria, yet they are still positive, and work harder than ever to achieve it.
Read More

The Weak Slores We Call Men

I imagine a time in my life where I thought everyone had innocent hearts like I me. Where there was more good than bad, and my parents were always right. I would watch cartoons on Saturday mornings when my mother would do our laundry as I ate a bowl of cereal. This innocence is a treasure that I hold on to when the world demands impurity and sin. But the world tries to rob me of this innocence, but I rather stay in my bubble of innocence while they enjoy what the evils of the world offer them. Nonetheless, years later I learned of course that no one is to be trusted. The heart is so deceitful and it only seeks its fleshly desires. Men think with their brain and women with their emotions. That scenario can go many ways, but a popular one is how men use their brain to manipulate women into evoking their sexual emotions, using them for what they want and trying this play on another woman. 

In my lifetime, other women can relate, I have come across a lot of womanizers and users. Men with one-track-minds that are set on just sex initially before even getting to know you. Or the users that want a lady to take care of them when they need. This guy and I went out to Ihop one day (I was young only 19) and he looked at me when we go to the register and said "Yeah she got it". The un-easy anger that rolled into my face in a split second only allowed me to laugh an say "I aint paying for that shit". Even though I knew him as a friend, he was still a user, and a woman with a penis. 

But some of these guys have their eyes set on the prize, no matter the cost of dates, time spent, or sweet-nothings they'll have to whisper in your ear to get it. But ladies, you have to be smart and patient because the truth with come in about 2-3 months. Real intentions will begin to show as the guy is fishing for answers and reassurance that there is a "possibility" of some sort. (if he wants to continue to date you and is interested in being in a relationship, then decided what you want to do) Its amazing the role of a deceitful heart. At that point the heart works with the brain in order to reach its satisfaction, with consequences playing in the background on mute. But he's thinking, what do I have to loose? I've already spent money and time, its either I loose more money and time to find out that I don't get the booty or see whats up and be closer to getting it. 

Men are predictable, that is why you have to be un-predicable. What can you loose ladies? You've already made him spend his bread (hopefully) and his time, and on top of that, his mileage. Either let him off easy, offer friendship, or just stop answering. 

I'm sure some guy reading this is like whoaaa ash, thats hardcore, is this what you do? And my answer is YES, HECK YES actually, but not on purpose. Its an innate reaction to bullshit. I don't automatically think that a guy is just trying to sleep with me when he approaches me, until the subject comes up, then its a bulls-eye.  Look at what kind of weak creatures we have walking this earth that are calling themselves men when their main motivation concerning women is SEX. Are you serious? What did you expect? To just come into my life, talk sweet to me, buy me dinner,  and I fall like raindrops into your hands? Nigga please. I know my worth, and you do too.

Sometimes I meet guys that after their initial stage of infatuation start to like me as a person. Thats cute.......................

I have quite a number of friends who have told me of stories of being deceived by men who JUST wanted to get in their pants. Its so sad that guys think it is okay to mislead many women just to higher their list of sexual encounters which in-turn limits their worth as a man. (Yeah having many sexual partners is only good for bragging to your homeboys, but when you reveal the number to anyone else, we'll probably be ashamed for you). I've never heard a girl saying she's like a guy to have at least slept with over 10 girls. They say experience, but not that kind of slore-ish experience. In essence, when you meet a woman, don't talk to her because you want to just have sex with her, talk to her because she's pretty and you'd like to get to know her. The results will be more satisfying when you pursue someone for the right reasons than the wrong reasons, because Karma works in magical ways, and it will bite you in the ass sooner or later, but most likely at the critical point in your life when you just wish it hadn't. 

And you ask why I call them weak, they're weak because they are not man enough to tell their intentions to a woman initially. Instead the connive and manipulate them in order to accomplish their plan. That is wack because clearly you're doing too much, even a guy who hires prostitiutes doesn't do that much work and he's getting a cheaper price. Trust me, it'll save you so much more money to get a hooker. A guy who can't be true to himself and whoever he is approaching is weak. There cannot even be confidence when you tell someone you just want to sleep with them, that is not a prideful statement, doesn't it sound so dirty? Yeah, like I said Weak.

You can never know anyone's heart towards you, just your heart towards them.

Anyway, I know some will take this personally. Don't. I am not speaking to anyone specific, I am referring to a series of events in my life.
Read More
"If you don't understand the value of people, you will misuse them" - Christine

Read More

The Power of Life and Death is in the Tongue

Life is so interesting, especially the people that you come across. I'm blessed to see and have the ability to rationalize the views of these people I come across. Not that I agree with all of their views, but I can understand how why they could get to that point of view. But personally, I firmly stick to what I believe in (although I understand where they are coming from). Its like you as an independent soul living your day to day life has personal views that come from situations you have been through that have made you react to certain situations either rubbing you in a negative way or a positive way. Negative or positive, your understanding of how the world works is thus created. You have personal views of how things should be (or how you want them to be) but how will you react if what you think should, is not. The point that I'm getting at is that people individually have stigmatized views of what is socially accepted, what is good, what is bad, how women/men should act. But if we're such individuals, how can that possibly be true if everyone grew up in different lifestyles, having  many versatile understandings of the social norms the world tries to make us adapt. One subject is sex. Growing up, sex could be an act that in one person's household was allowed but with the practice of safe sex. But in another household, sex is only safe when its not practiced. Can you judge someone you meet for their views if that is the way they grew up? Would you really want to be responsible for tarnishing their respect for their wishes to abstain from sexual acts, or would you like to pervert their mind introducing them to sin just because of your sinful desires?

In my 22 years of living, I have come across people that like to dish out things, but can't take the same back. What you put out is what you get. Normally, people are not rude or disrespectful to each other unless they feel disrespected (although is isn't necessarily right to be disrespectful back). The type of aura you give, is what people around you will move on. Naturally, I am not the loudest girl in the group, I love a social place because being at home or in one environment does not satisfy me. I like being out my normal element. But people mistake a girl that likes to club, I used to when I first started at 18, but now I rather go to a bar, or a lounge, starbucks, a park, a hookah bar, just somewhere without the normal and expected elements that guys try to put me in (at home, watching a movie, talking, trying to kiss) look all that has been done, save that for Boring Betty. Life is too short to sit at home and watch movies all day. I can do that on my own (unless its a movie that is new and I want to see it, watching movies at home has to be a desire, not an automatic plan). 

Your attitude depicts how I react to you. If you are funny, best believe I will call you so we can enjoy some laughs. If you are an intellectual, I will call you for point of view so we can discuss. If you love God, it will show (not just on Sunday's) but every time we discuss. No matter what, you will squeeze in a word or something you've read. Which is something I really admire in people who do have that relationship with God through my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  And if you don't, I really won't love you any less, but that will not stop me from sharing the word with. One of my friends, "Skrilla", I absolutely love to death because we have lengthy conversations about all of the above and more. We're just the best of friends, and I thank God for putting him in my life. Friendships like that only come a dime a dozen. We can not talk on the phone for weeks on end, and when we do end up talking, its as if it was just yesterday. I can not talk to another guy, and its like WW2 with all the "why haven't you called me" BS. But with us, its just mutual. When we talk, we will talk. Plus, distance does make the heart grow fonder. 

The word that I want to spread to you today is to not expect any specific set of actions from anyone in order to tell how they feel about you. We have all been bruised in this battle of life, and the last thing we need is the pressure of someone else negatively misinterpreting what we do. Acts speak loud, but the power of Life and Death are in the tongue. Actions can be misinterpreted (how do I know this? I study psychology, they're still trying to figure out why people act the way they act) so listen more, ask more questions, because what may be an act of neglegence may be another person's way of screaming for attention.
Read More

Love Ain't No Child's Play

Love ain’t no childs play. Its deeper than a back-stab wound from an ex-lova to a faithful brotha that put his all into his brown-suga chocolate thang. It’s was all gravy in the beginning, but then she got comfortable, reciting childish lies, throwing them at him with two-year-old temper tantrums as if he was boo-boo the fool. He knew what was going on, but he took a train back to where it all started with her playful eyes. Now brotha wasn’t a stranger to the danger the girls call the “eye”. Danger because she could smash the homies, and danger because it was unknown territory. This “eye” does wonders, I mean it has the ability to let the receiver know he or she’s been chose. Like playa’s do. Call him a fool for seeing the signs but looking at that fine bottle of expensive wine of a body, all stop signs look like red-lights after 2am, so he ran them all. That weird curiosity, honestly, drove 17 muscles in his finely chiseled face to part his lips and smile, then effortlessly say “Hello beautiful”. In return, she let him in. She put her guard down, and playfully she, glanced back. She was a sight to see, eyes so deep with tunnels that ran directly to her soul. Etched on the walls were her thoughts and memories written with passion, truth, pain, desire, and a splash of love. Within that glimpse he wandered through those tunnels, learning about each splash of words. Dates went by and he explored her tunnels with questions and commanding doors to be opened. This tunnel grew deeper and deeper, steeper, rockier, darker, and colder. “Where does this lead?” He picked at the door with the sign written in blood, it read “The Real Me”. Taking a step in, the light shined so bright it seeped through his body. The room was so warm, and cozy, and an aura of love radiated like a fragrance he’d never smelled before. It was beauty at its prime stage. He felt so privileged she allowed him to see this side of her, a side that she only showed a man that took time to figure her out. A man who had patience, a man that loved her flaws, a man that was understanding, a man that did not criticize her for her past. A man that did not rush into sexual relations or feel that it was owed to him because of his courtship with her. At first, she played games in order to see if he could withstand her complexity, but after awhile when she noticed he wouldn’t give up, she gave in. 

Love, does conquer all, but it will take a man willing to wait to conquer his dream woman's heart.
Read More

Lauryn Hill Speaks Truth

This entire month has been a rocky one, and week by week I've been thrown the same situation with one specific lesson to be learned. As I watched this video, it highlighted the same lesson that was in front of me all throughout. "Conquer whats on the inside, before you conquer anything else". As Lauryn said, you can expect to go out there and just annihilate all of your enemies if you can't even recognize that you yourself could be a hindrance and an enemy towards your own life. I personally know that I have a lot of work to do on the inside, and that God is not threw with me yet. I spend a lot of time by myself, thinking, planning, creating ideas, but the moment of truth is here, and I need to develop more character. Like she said, everybody has baggage. Plus, we're all younger than we think. God considers anyone younger than 100 years as a child. I'm glad I'm recognizing this earlier than necessary. I also noted that she spoke about substance being created after experience. They go hand in hand. Without experience, what story do you really have to tell? What lesson can you personally learn if you don't go through anything? Life is a test, a test to see if you can go through up's and downs, learning and mastership, and still come out righteous and still love the creator which sent you to this place. As Job said in the bible, we can't just accept only good from God. The world would be in eden. Essentially I will continue to pray for knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. I will also pray to KNOW HOW TO LOVE (hmm, good idea for a future post). 
Read More